i have been in a creative funk lately. it is a luxury i absolutely cannot afford. i have been balancing precariously on this fine wire otherwise known as my life and trying not to fall off. yesterday one of my 10 year old twins held the mirror up and showed me who i am. see, aparently i've been giving of myself and taking time to take care of others...but not myself. my son came in a gave me a beautiful "blue diamond" necklace that he bought from his classroom store just for me. he used "most of my money, but it's only money...i can make more. and mommy...you should have girly things 'cause you're a girl". well, i'll be! that's it! being surrounded by a house of men (even the dog is a boy), i have forgotten about the girl in me that needs to be taken care of. who i am as a woman directly relates to the things i create. if i don't nurture that inner girl, who will...and i need her in order to be a wonderful, creative me. SO....that being said...i acknowledge, honor and embrace my femininity.
anyone can give birth...but parenting requires that you show up and partake of what's offered. it means that sometimes you read dr. suess rather than zane. you don't get to be sick because all the kids are, you get to be nurse. you play soccer, attend plays and cheer for tree #6 just like they were the lead (because in your eyes they were). we make pancakes and fortify them to go out into the world and discover it's wonder. you laugh at knock knock jokes and cry for your 6 year old's friendship broken in minutes. also repaired in minutes but you are still crying. parenting requires that you participate in your child(ren)'s life not just hover around the fringes. you become or relive 2 or 8 or 16 again because it lends to your ability to be undersanding. you struggle though 4th grade homework and question whether you really are "smarter than a 5th grader". you coo at artwork, scared to ask "what is it" least it be you(and secretly wonder if they are picasso). they grow up and move on to different stages...and deep down we ponder whether or not we got it right . everyone tells me i am the best parts of both my parents and i have to agree. now as an adult, with children of my own... i realize i was actually raised. my parents showed up to the table, partook of what was offered and i am better for it.
there is something majestic about morning... the world is still at a hush but slowly yawning to wake up. creativity finds me awake during this time. daydreaming during dawn. some of my best ideas and solutions happen at this interval. i allow the impossible to be possible because the day has not truly begun yet. this day is preganant and filled with endless possibilities and clear cut potential...and i remain hopeful, the sun comes up and i begin....and then tomorrow morning i begin again...
v. kottavei williams
"i aspire to inspire"
SAGE I LOVE